My brain feels like it's been on a frying pan for a few hours.

I have a chapter summary and a non-fiction essay due tomorrow and I can't seem to produce anything worth reading. I don't know if it's "end-of-the-quarter-blahs" or lack of sleep. Or if my brain is simply not cooperating. Whatever it is, it's pissing me off.

I've been thinking about this essay for a week. I finally sat down a night or two ago and everything I wrote just sucked, for lack of a better term. I've started four different stories now and I know that all of them are complete crap. My first two essays came out just fine. I sat down, I wrote them, and I knew they were okay. I know when I have to force something out it isn't going to be pretty. Which sucks. Because my first two workshops have gone so well. And now, it won't.

I know I could take the easy way out. We're allowed to turn in a revision of one of our essays and I could do that. But...I don't want to cop out. And I really don't have that much to revise.

The boyfriend might be coming down early, possibly even tonight. So I'm trying to get all of this done now, but I don't want to forsake quality. I almost don't want him to come down tonight so I can just work on my essay most of the night. But even if he doesn't come, there's no guarantee that anything will happen to inspire me. More than likely I'd sit in front of a blank screen and smoke a pack of cigarettes.

I know I should just try to clear my head---go for a freezing walk, work on some knitting---but now I feel like I'm in competition with some invisible force not allowing me to write. Like...something won't let me do this and that's not going to happen. I'm going to write and it's going to be good, dammit.

Blarg.